Humour Can Help You Through

Article from Toastmaster magazine
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/January/Humor-Can-Help.aspx

There will come a time in your career when a personal challenge will daunt you and you will have to muster all your professionalism to perform – even on days when you are emotionally exhausted and just want to cry. In my case, since I’m a motivational speaker and comedian, that means having to not only perform, but make people laugh, motivate them and move them.

Stress happens all the time, whether it’s due to medical issues, financial pressures, an ongoing family situation such as a nasty divorce, or circumstantial events such as your flight being delayed on the way to the biggest gig of your life. The key is, you need to be armed with information on how to handle it.

Last year I was faced with just such an agonizingly stressful situation when the two most important people in my life – my son, Spencer, and my mom, Rose – went into separate New York hospitals with life-threatening illnesses. Spencer went in at 5 a.m. grappling with pericarditis (an inflammation of the membrane surrounding the heart that can lead to the heart enlarging), and my mom was hospitalized at 8 o’clock that same evening with an incarcerated hernia that could have caused her death in a matter of hours if doctors didn’t remove two feet of her gangrenous intestines.

My son’s hospital was in upstate New York; my mom’s was in Queens, New York – about a two-hour drive away. I kept driving back and forth between the two hospitals. In addition, I didn’t tell my mom or son that the other was in the hospital. Keeping that secret added to the stress.

Two days after Spencer was hospitalized, he was home, facing 10 days of required bed rest. I joked to him, “Spence, I always knew you had a big heart, but please don’t go overboard to prove it.” He smiled.

The following day, my mom came out of intensive care. While visiting her hospital room I joked with her, as well. “Jeez, Mom, I know you’ve been telling me that you wanted to lose weight and stop working...but this was one heck of a way to do it!” She smiled.

Humor has always been a great survival mechanism for people. On both the personal and professional levels, it helps reduce stressful situations.

On the same night my mom came out of intensive care, I was booked for a one-hour speaking engagement – ironically, for a “Social Workers Appreciation Day” at an assisted living home. I was physically drained from three days of non-stop driving to these two hospitals. In addition, I was emotionally drained from all the worry. (Yes, even positive-thinking comedians worry.)

I asked myself one key question: Can I get in the right frame of mind to perform, do a great job and not be on auto pilot? I decided I had two hours until I performed and I could do it.

Drawing from my experience, I offer seven strategies for performing during personally difficult times:


1. Stop and Breathe. That’s basic enough, but many forget to do it properly. (Of course, if you forget to do it altogether this would be a moot point.) I’m talking about taking a few deep, meditation-like breaths to relax yourself. Take a breath, close your eyes and hold it for a count of eight. Then slowly exhale for a count of four. Do this until you feel yourself in a better place physically.

The powers of deep breathing have been known for centuries. You just have to remember to do it. It can stop you from panicking and give your body and mind the time needed to refocus.


2. Look at your situation realistically by asking the right questions. Everything in life depends on your attitude. And that starts with asking yourself the right questions. When you’re scared and stressed out, give yourself a reality check. The answers can be empowering.

In my case, I asked myself, “Are my loved ones out of immediate danger?” Yes. “Do I need to be there with them all night?” No. “Would it benefit me mentally to be on stage, doing something I love, to get me in a different frame of mind?” Yes. “Do I have the energy?” Yes. (We all have sources of stored energy.)

I asked more questions: “How can I make this a win-win situation?” By finding the humor in it. “Can I find humor in something so soon?” Yes, if I refocus my thoughts – not on the victim, but on the situation. “Would it be the professional thing to do?” Yes. “Is there a profound message I can share with my audience about this situation?” I knew there was, but I just wasn’t sure what it was yet. I had at least two hours to figure it out.


"The truth is funny if you just look at it in the wrong light."


Now, I could have asked myself the “wrong” questions: “Shouldn’t I be with my loved ones now?” Yes. “Will the place forgive me if I don’t perform under the circumstances?” Yes. “Will I be too tired to drive home?” Probably.

The key is all in what you ask yourself.


3. Learn to compartmentalize your feelings. There is a time to break down, and a time not to hang tough. At the moment of crisis you need to be strong. I learned to be my own cheerleader. “OK, Capo, you can get this done now…you can cry later.” Always allow yourself the release …just do it when it benefits you. Being strong doesn’t mean you’ll never cry, it means knowing when to cry.


4. Refocus through gratitude and prayer. One of the easiest ways to refocus your mind is by going over a list of things you are grateful for, especially at a time of crisis. My list went like this: I am grateful that my son and mom are both alive. I am grateful that I have a speaking engagement and a chance to change people’s lives. I am grateful that I’ve been given the gift of humor – now let me use it!

Also, it helps to turn to a higher source. I remember sending out e-mail messages during those few days, asking everyone to pray for my loved ones. I personally prayed to God, Mother Mary and Jesus, then I spoke to a few loved ones who had already passed on. I also wrote to a priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist monk. I wanted no stone unturned! (Besides, I wasn’t sure who had the quickest connection.)


5. Find the humor and trust yourself. Now refocused, I stayed in the parking lot for 45 minutes before my speech and wrote jokes. I was a tad nervous. OK, who am I kidding? I was extremely nervous about whether the jokes would go over. I had to detach myself and think of the funny aspects common to all who have been in this situation. The truth is funny if you just look at it in the right light.

To verify the funny factor of my material, I called a comedian friend of mine, Janette Barber. She said, “Fran, trust me and trust yourself. It’s funny. Do as you always do. Make fun of the situation at hand, not the victim. Trust your heart – you’ll be fine.” She was right. Humor is a gift, and the best time to give a gift – whether to yourself or an audience – is when you truly need it. As long as it’s in good taste, people will laugh. People want to see the human element in a speaker, not just the polished speech.


6. Visualize using your previous successes. It was now 10 minutes until show time. I took some deep breaths, reminding myself that I had done this a million times before, and I visualized being fantastic onstage.


7. Once you are empowered, go onstage. I was as confident as I could be in the situation. As long as no one asked me about my mom and son, I knew I wouldn’t cry. I had one last decision to make: Should I be honest with the audience upfront?

I decided to begin with the truth. So I said, “You know, I sat in the parking lot for a few minutes – OK, 45 minutes – before I came in, writing some jokes for you people. You think I’m kidding…Nothing like a lot of preparation for a gig. But really, the reason I did that was that because my mom, as we speak, is in the hospital; she was just released from intensive care. I’d show you pictures but I know she’d get mad, because she doesn’t have any makeup on.

“But, really, she is in the hospital. Apparently, she had an incarcerated hernia, and, like all mothers, she was stubborn about going to the hospital:

‘Frannie, I’m too sick to go the hospital!’

‘Mom, do you hear yourself? That doesn’t make sense.’

‘Listen to me, the worst thing in the world is to go to bed sick and wake up dead.’

‘Wake up dead! Mom, people don’t wake up dead.’

‘Don’t correct me – I’m sick.’

“Anyway, she wound up going into emergency surgery. As she was lying there on the gurney, she held my hand and whispered, ‘Frannie, remember I love you all, and just in case anything happens, please get an autopsy, and don’t forget to turn off the hallways lights.’

‘Mom, I don’t think we should be worried about the electric bill at the moment.’

‘I don’t want to have to worry about it if I’m in heaven.’

‘I think God will give you a pass on that one.’

“The surgery took eight hours, but I knew she was better today because of two things: One, she told me her doctor was cute – he looked like Doctor Kildare, the TV hero from the ‘60s – and two, she complained that the nurses woke her up to give her a sleeping pill.”

I continued joking. The audience knew I was telling the truth and they were literally laughing ’til they cried. This material turned out to be perfect for my audience at the assisted living home.


Life Is Precious
I teased the one male doctor in the room. I teased the social workers and I teased the director of the facility. I asked them, “Come on, tell me the truth, aren’t there some patients you’d just like to smack?” They all smiled, but no one gave names. I talked about my son, and how I was playing race car driver going back and forth from hospital to hospital…Then I talked about how precious life was, how important their jobs were to the patients lying in those beds, and how important it is to put our hearts and souls into the careers we choose.

I ended my talk the way I always do – telling people to live with passion and laughter, and to go after their dreams.

Then I left them with one of my favorite sayings: “Remember to live every day as if it’s your last…and one day you’ll be right.” I paused and added, “And I’m lucky that today wasn’t that day for my mom or my son.” I got a standing ovation and lots of hugs.

People came up to me and said, “You did a brave thing telling jokes about your mom and son. You were emotionally drained but you gave us your full self (or “Full Fran” as Janette calls it) in your performance.”

I smiled. “I just did what I believe God put me on this Earth to do – motivate people and make them laugh. It’s easy to laugh when things are good; it’s hard to dig down inside yourself and find laughter when all you want to do is cry. But if you can find the power to laugh, you can find the power to heal…because in the end…laughter truly is the best medicine.”

May all your sorrows be framed in laughter and may you always find a way to give it to your audience.

Postscript:
My mom, Rose Capo, died February 6, 2008 – and, yes, I told funny stories of my mom’s life at the funeral. This article is in honor of her memory. Now, less than a year later, my sister has breast cancer. I continue to share the laughter with her.


Fran Capo is a New York-based comedian, professional speaker, actress, author, adventurer and four-time world record holder. Read more about her at www.justlaugh.org.

Step away from Self-Sabotage

Article from the Toastmaster magazine
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/January/Self-Sabotage.aspx

Do you ever want to start a project, then don’t? Have you ever said yes to a speaking engagement only to cancel later? Have you ever promised yourself that you wouldn’t engage in a bad habit and then found yourself doing it even more?

People who become involved in speechmaking often find themselves sabotaging their presentations. Whether it’s forgetting the name of the couple you are toasting, arriving late for a talk or accidentally leaving your PowerPoint file at home – you might be surprised to find that you are at the core of your own undoing.

It’s not only neophytes who encounter this problem; experienced speakers find themselves blocking potential victories as well.

“Essentially, self-sabotage is consciously or unconsciously blocking yourself from succeeding or accomplishing some task or project,” says Kevin Hogan, a psychologist and international speaker.

It’s a process that happens to everyone, he notes, but some have a more ingrained habit than others. Hogan has an audio program called “Lifestorms: Blasting through Self-Sabotage for Breakthrough Results” that addresses the issue in detail.

Much of our “mental programming” has to do with expectations that start early in life. What was expected of you as a child? As a teenager? As an adult? For example, Toastmaster Steph Scott, a young woman in her 30s, received a number of powerful messages from her parents. Her mother exerted pressure on her to be perfect, saying things like, “You brought up your C grades to B grades, which means you can then bring up your Bs to As.” Her mother also pushed her to become more popular.

Scott’s father, meanwhile, taught her to stifle emotions by shutting her down with statements like, “Was it that good?” or “It couldn’t be that bad.”

Imagine how hard it was for Scott to give her first Table Topics presentation when voices in the back of her head said “Get it right” but “Don’t be passionate about it.”

Hogan, the psychologist, says kids who have been driven too hard to excel are particularly vulnerable to undermining themselves as adults.

“Children who had demands of being perfect,” he says, “develop a perfectionism mindset where they never do anything in life, because they can’t be perfect at its accomplishment.”


Confidence Issues
Susan Guild, an experienced Toastmaster, grew up in an intellectual family. Her father and brother are lawyers. Advanced degrees were expected. She says her family and friends deeply affected her confidence.

“People frequently ask me about my education with questions like, ‘Are you working on your master’s or doctorate degree?’ My parents always valued intelligence backed up by scientific proof,” says Guild, a member of the Lexington Toastmasters in Lexington, Massachusetts.

As a result of these messages, it’s been difficult for her to trust her own intuition. “I see those old patterns as lint that is deeply matted through us,” she says.

Guild says one of the most common ways speakers sabotage their talks is when negative self-esteem gets the better of them. They believe others see them in the same light as they see themselves – and if that light is dim, it will be difficult to shine in front of a group.

At times she has tried too hard to win her listeners’ approval, Guild says. “The last speech I made, I decided to use lots of facts, because my Toastmasters group likes facts and numbers. But I lost my own individuality by attempting to do what I thought they liked. I realized that I was sabotaging myself by trying to please the club. It was like seeking others’ approval rather than giving respect to myself.”

Susan Coates, a Distinguished Toastmaster, says when she tries to copy someone else’s style, it gets in the way of her presentation. “Everyone has a different style and when they try to be someone else, it makes for a less effective presentation.”


Ways We Impede Our Success
Some people block their own success by putting off their preparation until the last minute. “I’ve been procrastinating to deliver my second speech,” says Manjunath Mavinakere, a member of Break Time Toastmasters in Houston, Texas. “It’s been a few months since I’ve given my Ice Breaker, and I have a lack of knowledge on the subject I want to speak about. Many times I feel I know the topic, but when I try to expand on it, it just goes way off board.”

Mavinakere feels that his procrastination stops him from succeeding at work as well. “The opportunities I miss to show my communication skills in front of people who are from different departments of the company stop me from moving ahead in my work.”

These are a few other ways that people undermine their own effectiveness:

• Not being willing to take risks
• Speaking too softly to be heard
• Doing just enough to get by
• Making excuses for poor performance by blaming things like illness or not having enough time to prepare adequately
• Allowing fears (like speech anxiety) to call the shots

The concept of self-fulfilling prophecy implies that if we expect something to happen in the future, then it will happen. For example, if you think you’re a lousy speaker or will do a poor job, you will find ways to bring those expectations to fruition. You’ll sabotage that speech. Perhaps you’ll keep dropping your materials and look foolish and disorganized, or you will find that your equipment isn’t working and that you could have prevented this situation if you had checked on the equipment earlier.

The opposite is true as well. If you expect to put on a dynamic presentation, you’ll achieve that outcome through positive actions, such as remembering to wear your power suit or doing vocal exercises the day of the talk.

This mirrors the “law of attraction” philosophy: that what we think about the most often, with the greatest intensity, will then take place. So if you focus on an appreciative audience or a standing ovation, you will have a more effective presentation than if you concentrate on sweaty palms or a sleepy audience. Speakers who focus on successful productions project more energy, confidence and enthusiasm.


Step Away From Sabotage
Many of us have approached speaking engagements as drudgery, as a serious and sobering business, a dreaded task. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Guild suggests you start picturing your presentations in a new light by asking yourself what could be fun or fulfilling about this project. She calls the process “going from the musts to the magic.”

She recommends changing focus from the risk of the task to its possible rewards, whether that involves gaining new clients, spreading the word about “going green” or receiving a burst of applause at the end of the speech.

“Still, the most important thing,” Guild says, “is to capture the essence of your message. Look in your heart to see why you want to give this speech. There you’ll find your magic.”


Judi Bailey is a writer in Lakewood, Ohio, and a frequent contributor to the Toastmaster. Reach her at author48@cox.net.




Block Out Damaging Behavior

Here are some helpful steps to avoid sabotaging yourself as a speaker:

• Develop awareness of how you sabotage yourself, especially in regards to giving talks. “Because self-sabotage is unconscious,” Dr. Hogan says, “no one is aware of it when they are actually engaging it. The benefit of being able to be in check is being in charge. When the unconscious mind is quelled, then the conscious mind can move forward and achieve.”
• Dig in Deeper. Og Mandino espoused this philosophy in his book The Greatest Salesman in the World. Allow your passion about the topic of your talk to drown out any attempts at self-sabotage.
• Accept your own style. Don’t try to be a Martin Luther King Jr. sound-alike or pattern your mannerisms after your favorite TV journalist. Be the best you that’s possible.
• Use affirmations. “Affirmations,” says Susan Guild, “have to be coupled with an inner belief.” In other words, you really have to believe what you’re saying. So if you don’t believe it when you say, “I’m a terrific speaker,” then find some other aspect of yourself that you can more realistically compliment, such as the sound of your voice or the ability to do excellent research. Then create a believable statement like “I do a terrific job researching material for my speeches.”
• Commit the benefits of public speaking to memory. This is a good principle to practice on the day of your speech. You can even write them down and keep the list in your pocket or purse as a reminder. They can include a greater sense of confidence, more career contacts and a chance to meet interesting people.
• Monitor your progress. Most behavioral experts agree that keeping track of your actions not only keeps you accountable to yourself, but gives you a running record of your progress. Pick up a notebook and begin to jot down the incidents of self-sabotage and the times you haven’t given in to the urge to jeopardize yourself.
• Create a personal reminder. Guild found a clever way to keep awareness alive: She bought a charm bracelet and two charms. One charm had “best” written on it; “friend” was inscribed on the other. “I also wear it to honor myself while I’m doing presentations. The bracelet is especially valuable whenever anyone in the audience has pushed my buttons.”
• Stick close to Toastmasters. Undoubtedly you have found that there’s no better place to obtain support than from other members. Don’t sell this short. Your club can help you to enjoy the process of becoming a better speaker.
  

Judi Bailey is a writer in Lakewood, Ohio, and a frequent contributor to this magazine. Reach her at author48@cox.net.

Manner of Speaking: That's Not My Voice – Is It?

Article from the Toastmaster magazine
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/February/Departments/Manner-of-Speaking.aspx

Manner of Speaking: That's Not My Voice – Is It?

The voice you hear is different from the one the audience hears.

By Nancy Sebastian Meyer, ATMB, CL


As a speaker, you need the best voice quality possible. But to get your voice sounding the best it can, first you have to know what it actually sounds like, right? And that can be difficult – because the voice you hear is different from the one the audience hears.

Just think about the first time you heard your voice captured on a tape recorder, computer or other electronic device. You shook your head in amazement and said to your friends, “You’re joking. That’s not my voice – is it?”

“Sure,” they replied. But you still could hardly believe the two sounds were one and the same.

Pretend to be one of my voice students for a moment and I will explain this simple, yet profound concept of listening to your voice. As a speaker (or singer), you hear something different from your listeners because of three basic factors that work together: Your inner ear hears your inner voice; your outer ear receives a distorted outer voice; and your sound waves vibrate the whole ear mechanism. The end result is that you hear a different voice than other people do.

Let’s break down this process, so that you’ll better understand how to make vocal adjustments as a speaker.


Factor One: Your inner ear hears your inner voice.
“It’s a surprise! Don’t listen,” Chris instructed Kelly as he began whispering birthday plans to her friend. Kelly put her fingers in her ears and made nonsensical sounds to keep from overhearing their conversation. In the process, she noticed that with her fingers in her ears, her voice sounded so much louder than usual. Why?

Your voice originates in about the middle of your neck. Initial sound waves are created as air passes through your vocal folds (cords) drawn tight across the trachea (windpipe). You can feel the flutter with your fingertips if they lightly rest on the “adam’s apple” area of your throat while you speak or sing.

This tiny vibration is then magnified in the voice box (upper throat). The waves continue to grow in magnitude as they resonate in the cavities of your head before coming out your nose and/or throat.

Thus, your internal voice is created and grows from inside your neck up through the nasal cavities where it reverberates. And because your inner ear – which contains the actual organ of hearing – is located so closely to your inner voice, only you can hear your internal voice. This is a unique sound your listeners will never experience. Now, let’s add the next factor.


Factor Two: Your outer ear catches the distorted outer voice.
The other day my husband and I took a short hike. Several times I had difficulty catching everything he said when he was ahead of me on a narrow, single-file section of the trail. Likewise, he would ask me to repeat things when I was in the lead. The leader’s voice projected forward, in the opposite direction of the follower. Listening was much easier when we stopped, turned toward each other and spoke face to face.

Our listeners’ ears catch and pull in the sound waves, channeling them into the inner ear canal. But you cannot directly hear your own voice. Your ears are behind your mouth, like I was behind my husband on the hike. You hear the result of your vocal sound waves traveling forward, hitting surfaces and bouncing back to you. On this return trip, these somewhat distorted waves are caught by your outer ear and moved along inside to your ear drum.

So your inner ear not only hears the initial interior voice but also the distorted, round-about exterior voice coming in through the outer ear passage. Michael Kelly, author of Understanding the Power of Your Voice, says: “You hear your voice in stereo (air and bone conduction) while other people just hear it in mono (air conduction).”


Factor Three: Your sound waves vibrate the whole ear mechanism.
The sum of the first two factors – inner voice and indirect outer voice – would be enough to explain why speaker and listener hear two different things. But this third factor, vibration, plays an even more significant role:

When I’m a guest teacher in a junior or senior high school music class, I love to ask the students to experiment with vibration: “Try shaking your head from side to side as rapidly as possible while you say ‘peanut butter and jelly.’” The students have fun – the resulting words feel silly and sound ridiculous! And this crazy illustration demonstrates what is going on inside your head. Sound waves being created in the neck and head of the speaker or singer are vibrations that literally shake up everything inside, including your inner ear mechanism.

Therefore, the inner voice and around-the-corner outer voice are further distorted because your head is vibrating.


Help! How Can I Hear My Real Voice?
So that explains the process of why you hear your own voice differently from your listeners. When you are trying to develop the best voice quality you can, I encourage you to observe and play with all three factors outlined above. You can experiment with listening to your inner voice. You can take under consideration the additional vibrations in your head. But most importantly, you want to tune your outer voice to an audience-friendly sound.

You can hear more of what everyone else hears by amplifying your real voice with one of the following methods.

• Record a short speech or piece of prose on an electronic device and play it back. The higher quality the microphone, the more accurate your recording will be.
• Extend your sound catchers – your ears! Cup a hand around each ear and draw your elbows together. As you speak, channel the sound up your arms and into your ears.
• Purchase two PVC elbows that fit together like a phone. Speak into one end while the other end is positioned around your ear. (Caution: The smooth, hard plastic conducts sounds so well, you can damage your ear drum by speaking or singing too loudly.)

With each of these methods, your initial goal is hearing the voice your listeners hear. Do you like it? First, get past the fact that it sounds different from what you normally hear. Then, ask yourself if this is how you wish to sound to other people. If you don’t like what you hear, you do have the power to change it with awareness, practice and time.


Get Used to Your Voice – or Change It
Should you decide you wish to modify your voice, the next step is playing with your sound. Re-record or use your sound catchers or PVC “phone” to help you listen to the changes until you have something you like. Then practice this new way of speaking until it becomes second nature. Another helpful option is hiring a trusted vocal coach who can give you professional feedback on your real voice.

Seldom should a voice be changed drastically. Often the speaker just needs time to get used to the idea that the listener hears something different. Remember, different can be Okay.

Is it important to know what your listeners hear? Think about your old high school teacher with the nasally voice or your hair stylist who sounds so breathy. These people probably give no thought to their sound. However, the speaker’s voice makes an impression on the listener.

Ask yourself these questions. Is what I have to tell people important enough to present it in the most appealing manner? Does my voice complement or distract from my message? How much am I willing to work on my voice to make it work for me?

Some day you might be a Toastmasters speech finalist whose recording gets passed around clubs all over the world. I say, “Go for it!” Maximize the impact of your unique voice.

Guitar

I learned to play the guitar when I was 19 years old. That was the time when I started courting my girlfriend, who is now my wife. The first song I learned to play is a classical song called Romance de Amore. It is a nice song and I mastered it in just a few days. It was not perfect but just enough to impress my wife.

But I am not writing this to boast about my guitar skills as there is nothing to boast anyway because I have forgotten everything I learned. What I want to share is what I learn from the guitar. It’s the concept of teamwork.

The sound we hear from the guitar actually comes from the vibration of the guitar strings. Most guitars have six strings, and each of the guitar strings must be at very precise frequency in order to produce a nice and harmony music. When someone plucking guitar strings, what happens is that the strings vibrate and that vibration creates energy. The energy vibrates the air inside the body of the guitar, which in turn produces sound. The sound is projected out of the guitar through a sound hole of the guitar. The quality of the sound is determined by the type of wood and the shape of the guitar body. What really controls the tension of the strings is the heads called the Headstock. It adjusts the tension of the strings, which in turn affects the frequency and pitch.

In summary, a guitar consists of three main components: (1) Body of the guitar that projects the sound, (2) Headstock that controls the strings, and (3) Neck of the guitar that support the strings which must be at very precise frequency and pitch.

The concept of teamwork is like the guitar. It is about a group of people working together

First, a team must have a body that is the people that constitute members of a team. Without the body, without the people, without members of the team, there is nothing to produce, there is no outcome to show, and there is no result to impress. It is like a guitar without the body.

Secondly, a team must have a leader who sets direction and makes sure everybody in the team are in the same tune. It is like the Headstock.

Finally, and most importantly, it is the people that make a difference. In order for a team to be effective, everybody in the team has important role to play no matter who they are, how junior or how senior they are, what role they have in the team, and what position they are holding in the team.Everybody is equally important and they must be in the same tune and play the same tune. To demonstrate this, If I play a melody with all the strings in the same tune, it will produce a nice and harmony music. If I tweak one of the strings a little so that the third string is out of tune from the rest of the strings, I will not get the same nice and harmony music.

The take away is that team work is like the guitar - a team must have a body, must have a leader but most importantly, it is the people that make a difference. Everybody has an important role to play, no matter who they are. For a team to be effective, everybody must be in the same frequency, same pitch and play the same tune. Nobody can be left behind and nobody can be left out.

To understand teamwork, just remember the Guitar!

~ Victor ~

Speech presented on Thurs 25 Feb

Facing an event full of strangers? Here's how to Work a Room

Article from the Toastmaster magazine
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/June/Work-a-Room.aspx

Some people seem to have a knack for automatically connecting with others in any setting. For those who don’t, learning how to interact quickly and comfortably with others is critical. Businesspeople need to connect on a professional level and seamlessly build in information about their businesses and services without coming across as hucksters. Too little emphasis on work-related information can mean wasted time and effort. Too much emphasis on business can be a turnoff.

Networking experts know dozens of tips, strategies and techniques that can help people connect in virtually any setting. And while this is great news, the job of collecting all that information might be daunting to any one person. The good news is, you won’t have to track down all those experts to improve your skills, because the answers you need can be found right here. And from the first step, you’ll know where and how you’ll want to apply your new-found knowledge.

Have a Goal in Mind
Alice Waagen is president of Workforce Learning, LLC, a leadership training firm that helps C-level executives and managers improve relationships. Networking should be considered a professional activity and not a casual event, says Waagen, adding that it’s important to start with the end in mind. “The most important lesson I learned early on is to establish for yourself your goal or objective before you go to the event,” she notes. “That way you keep focused and don’t get distracted by the hors d’oeuvres, the drinks or your best buddy across the room.”

Craig Bott, president and CEO of Grow Utah Ventures, a company that works with entrepreneurs to help them get started, agrees. “While everybody networks and eagerly hits all of the big events with a fistful of business cards, ultimately the success of any networking event hinges on making real and lasting connections with people,” says Bott. He adds that choosing the right event is closely tied to the goals you have in mind. “Be selective and focused,” he recommends.

Prepare Your “Key Messages”
The goals you’ve established for a particular event should provide you with the basis to develop the “key messages” you wish to convey to those you meet. Never just “wing it,” regardless of how comfortable you feel in social settings.

“Crystallize the topic knowledge you have that will be of interest to the group,” suggests Bott. Knowledge, insight and expertise are what you exchange with others as you network,” he says. “The more you determine what you know and what you are passionate about, the more likely you are to truly connect with others.”

Cliff Flamer is a career counselor who has coached numerous clients on their networking tactics. He warns networkers to avoid jargon, especially when it comes to talking about what they do. Instead of leading with your job title and credentials, use layperson’s terms, he advises. So instead of saying, “I coordinate human resources software installations,” you might say, “I install HR software on peoples computers.”

Dan Weedin is a Seattle-based executive speech coach and an experienced Toastmaster. Personal stories can provide excellent opportunities to connect with people, says Weedin. “If you have a chance to relate a personal story, do it,” he says. “Fun stories are well received, especially when humor is involved. Use your best story – especially if a little self- deprecating – to connect with your audience.”

Bott, of Grow Utah Ventures, offers the following list of questions to help prepare for any networking event:

• Is this the best place for me to meet those who will value what I know?
• Is this the best place for me to meet those with knowledge that I need?
• What do I specifically have to share with others at this networking opportunity?
• What am I looking to find at this event?
• As I make connections, am I willing to invest in this relationship by sharing my knowledge and expertise with others?

Listen!
Even though you should come prepared with a good sense of what you hope to convey about yourself, you must focus first on others, say networking experts.

“The biggest problem that I’ve noticed at networking events is that people talk too much about themselves,” says Steve Clements, a speaking professional for more than 40 years. “People like to talk about themselves. [But] doing a pitch is a real turnoff.”

While knowing how to clearly describe yourself and what you do is important, you shouldn’t lead with this information, agrees Thom Singer, a longtime Toastmaster and the author of three books on the power of business relationships and networking.

What you should do, he says, is ask five to seven questions of the other person when you first meet. “More than likely, the other person will then ask questions back,” he says.

“Those who are the best at networking look first to offer what they know freely to others,” says Bott. “Relationships are then quickly formed with those who will remember your name and stay connected long after the social hour.”

Pay Attention to “The Small Stuff”
Little things can make a difference and sometimes the smallest detail can make the wrong impression – an impression you did not want to make.

“Make sure when you introduce yourself that you make good eye contact, smile warmly, give a firm handshake and repeat the person’s name,” says Weedin. “These seem like simple steps, but it’s surprising how often they aren’t done correctly.”

It’s also important to keep in mind that it’s not just what you say that people will notice, but also what you do.

“Remember that people are always watching each other,” notes Singer. That means, for instance, to monitor your eating and drinking behaviors. “Like free food, free booze is tempting, but try not to have more than one drink at an event,” he says. “People too often think they can handle their liquor better than they can and embarrass themselves at networking events when they are a bit tipsy.”

Flamer encourages Toastmasters to maximize connections with others at events. “At most networking functions, everyone’s intimidated and quick to feel alienated in a room of strangers,” he says. “Instead of sticking with a one-on-one format [if conversation lags], bring in a third party to your discussion by asking their opinion on a subject, recalling the conversation you had earlier or simply making an introduction for you and your new friend.”

“Three is a magic number,” adds Flamer. “No one feels scrutinized and each party gets to talk as much or little as they want. And, most important, you get credit for making it happen.”

Here are some quick tips for making connections:

• Wear nametags wisely – pinned to your upper right shoulder area. Most people are right handed and will extend their right hand and your nametag will be easier to view.
• Station yourself in a “destination location” – near a registration table, the buffet or the bar.
• Always go to the people who are standing alone. It’s easier to start a conversation with one person than with two or more.
• Remember your “ears and mouth” – you have two ears and one mouth because you should be spending most of your time listening!

After the Event
Of course, successfully “working a room” is just the beginning. The real networking begins after the event is over, say the experts.

“Networking is not about meeting and trading business cards,” says Singer. “It is about establishing a meaningful and mutually beneficial relationship. This takes time to create and cultivate.”

Immediately after an event, Patricia Vaccarino, managing partner of Xanthus Communications, LLC, a PR firm, makes a note of its date and location on the back of each business card she’s collected. She then triages the cards between “the drones and the connections” and take the time to solidify the connections with LinkedIn or Facebook.

And, again, Singer stresses: “Look for ways to assist them before you look for ways that they can help you.”

Lin Grensing-Pophal is a freelance business journalist in Wisconsin, where she also runs a communication consulting firm – Strategic Communications, LLC . She can be reached at linda@stratcommunications.com.

Networking Styles – Which Are You?

Don Gabor is a professional speaker and the author of eight books on communication skills, including How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. He has identified four different styles of successful networkers:

1. Competitive Networkers. Action-oriented and direct communicators, competitive networkers are motivated by fast and measurable results. Confident and outgoing, they’re usually the ones who start conversations at networking events and they speak with purpose and get to the point.
2. Outgoing Networkers. People-oriented and friendly communicators, outgoing networkers are motivated by recognition and personal contact. They love to make small talk while they effortlessly mix and mingle in business and social situations.
3. Amiable Networkers. Emotion-oriented and caring communicators, amiable networkers are motivated by personal loyalty and teamwork. They are generally detail- and goal-oriented people who work hard to achieve high standards for themselves and others.
4. Analytical Networkers. Extremely detail-oriented and careful speakers, analytical networkers are motivated by accuracy and strive for deeper meaning and understanding in conversations. They communicate in a systematic, step-by-step manner, making sure they thoroughly cover each point they make.

The best networking practice, says Gabor, is to accurately identify the networking styles of others within the first few minutes of a meeting or conversation and then quickly adapt your networking style to best fit theirs.

Treasure the Moments

Happy Chinese New Year!

I remember when I was a child, I always enjoyed the Chinese New Year celebration. It was probably the best time of my life every year. It was not just the Ang Pow but there were more to it - fire crackers, mandarin oranges, playing cards (the only time we could play cards without getting scold), lots of joy and happiness.

Those were the moments that I treasured the most in my life. Things are different now. I do not get that same feeling as I used to have and I know I will never get it back.

What I want to say here is that, we have to live with the present moment in mind in order to create that memory. And when we are in it, we give our best, we make full use of the time, we enjoy the journey of doing it.

Time flies like a river of no return. It’s like dropping a piece of paper. It flies down and stay there forever. We can see it, we can remember it but we cannot change it. Whether it is happy, sad, or something nice to remember, it’s all depends on how we create it today.

The same principle applies to Toastmastering, what we do today will have an impact on our future. Take every opportunity to participate, take every opportunity to speak, and when we do it we shall give our best.

I remember Stephen Fernando said that to be a better speaker, we shall speak more and do more speeches. Try your best every time you do your speeches. It is more effective that wait until you are ready to do your best speech because that best time will never come if we don’t start it now.

So treasure your moment now for the moment to treasure in the future.


~ Victor ~

Can We Talk: Help in Hard Times

Article from Toastmaster magazine
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/July/Departments/CanWeTalk1.aspx

Can We Talk: Help in Hard Times

How Toastmasters training can see you through.

By Beth Black, CC


There’s no doubt that many Toastmasters are facing challenging times. With corporate cutbacks, Wall Street woes and other worldwide financial difficulties, we’re all feeling the stress of the day. If you find yourself squeezed by some belt-tightening tactics, it’s tempting to retreat from long-term goals and instead focus on short-term survival strategies.

That may be a mistake.

Maintaining your progress toward a goal by setting a course that includes daily, weekly and monthly objectives can help you navigate your way through the troubled waters of today and prepare you for better times ahead. What better place to do this than at your regular Toastmasters meetings?


He Got Through It
Consider the example of Tom Oh, of Rancho Santa Margarita, California. Oh works for an interactive marketing media company in the nearby town of Irvine. Before he landed this job, he spent what he describes as “seven long months” unemployed and job hunting. It was the longest period of time Oh had ever been out of work, and rather than panic, he chose a path that set him in the direction of reconnecting with his career and his future. He decided to use part of the time constructively by joining a Toastmasters club and improving his job skills.

Oh says two things became apparent when he was out of work: First, he needed to hone his public speaking skills. Second, he had no excuse to delay it any longer. This was a job skill he knew he would eventually need again, and now his time was finally free to work on it. “No excuses!” says Oh with a laugh.

Encouraged by a Toastmasters friend, Oh attended a meeting last July and was hooked. He attended only five meetings before finding a new job – but in that time he pushed himself to give two speeches.

Oh especially wanted to improve his skills in speechwriting and preparation. So he made the most of the Competent Communication manual’s features allowing members to focus on certain aspects. For him, it meant working through the Ice Breaker and then the project on organization. He enjoyed putting together a speech, following instructions on how to improve its organization. Re-evaluating his work and writing a more-focused speech – even before presenting it to the club – gave Oh extra confidence in his skills.

The meetings offered Oh emotional benefits as well. During a stressful time in his life, his club activities allowed him to escape to a place of camaraderie and support. Getting to know his fellow Toastmasters through their speeches made networking fun and easy. He relished the opportunity to network with all kinds of people. Oh says, “I met people working in different industries and enjoyed the opportunity to meet a diversified group.”

And the speeches – even those that were not work-related – really affected him. “People shared about their personal lives,” he says, “with wonderful quality and content to their speeches.” He learned that these personal perspectives make speeches more compelling and engaging. “They were passionate about their subject matter. It worked for the speakers and us, the audience.” He soon discovered the lessons learned in the club improved his job-related speaking as well.

To his own amazement, Oh had fun and learned a lot during his seven-month break from a job. And while he admits it was uncomfortable to be job hunting in a difficult economy, he looks back at his experiences in Toastmasters with fondness. His new job doesn’t allow the time to attend the morning meetings of his old club. But he wonders about finishing those other eight projects in the Competent Communication manual. Who knows? Maybe he’ll start a corporate club in his new company.


She’s Getting Through It
Another example is Paula Harris, a “local market sales manager” with Avis Budget Group before she was laid off along with a thousand other employees in a cost-cutting measure last September. Paula joined Toastmasters a few weeks later with a plan to become a more confident and effective speaker. “I did have to do some public speaking at my last job and want to feel more comfortable and confident when I am speaking in front of others,” she says.

Harris hopes to soon land another job in marketing or account management and is preparing herself for the position by attending club meetings. “I want to increase my self-confidence and leadership skills and feel comfortable speaking in front of an audience,” she says.

Indeed Harris does appear positive and confident when speaking in her new club. When she gave her Ice Breaker speech, she stood in front of the lectern, presenting her story without the use of notes. She performed well and received a round of well-deserved applause. Beaming, she returned to her seat and was all smiles for the rest of the meeting. Although Harris hasn’t yet taken advantage of any networking opportunities, she does see the benefit of being in the group. She says, “Everyone is so friendly and supportive that I believe this is a group I can learn from.”

With that kind of attitude, Harris will no doubt make it through this trying time and move up to the next step in her career. And with the support of her friends in Toastmasters, she will definitely be smiling when she gets there.

Talking Through Tough Times at Work

Article from Toastmaster magazine
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/July/CultivatingHope.aspx

Eric Aronson founded a highly successful brokerage firm and was enjoying a fast-paced, luxurious lifestyle when it all came to an abrupt halt. At 31 he was convicted of fraud and spent three years in a federal prison. At that point, Aronson felt his future looked very bleak. But while in prison he vowed to turn his life around. There he read more than 600 books to stimulate his mind and energize his will. Upon release, he lost 60 pounds, stopped smoking and quit gambling.

Today, he is an author, speaker, life coach and president of a small corporation devoted to helping others.

Aronson’s example demonstrates the reality that hope – the tendency to focus on the best of possibilities – can be cultivated even in the midst of life’s most challenging conditions. In his book Dash, he recalls how hopeless he felt when he first landed in prison. Aronson wondered how he could survive the ordeal of “being away from everyone and everything I loved.” What he found tremendously helpful in boosting his spirits was regularly saying these words to himself:

Things may not seem to be working out for me right now, but I know that I will make the best of the situation. I know that I will do everything that I can, one day at a time....I will not worry but rather look at what I am going through as a challenge: a time to develop patience and self-confidence and realize that I can change my attitude even if I can’t change my circumstances. I am a survivor! I am going to handle this. I am going to find strength I didn’t know I had.

No matter what happens to us in life, feelings of despair and defeat can be minimized and offset by the power of hope. Tapping into that emotion is a critical life skill because hope has the power to pull us through just about any kind of dark, demanding time. In the extreme, it can mean the difference between life and death.

Hope is a learnable practice. Here are some words that offer insight on the subject:


• Surrender. This is the remarkable ability to go with the flow without expecting predetermined outcome. It is a willingness to let events unfold in their time – not our time. Paul McCartney was drifting and feeling despondent in the fall of 1968, a time when the Beatles were close to breaking up. One night he had a most comforting dream. His mother, Mary, who died when he was 14, appeared to him.

“There was her face, completely clear. She said to me, very gently, very reassuringly, ‘Let it be,’” he has said of that experience. Being a musician, McCartney began writing a song based on his dream. The result was some of the most famous lyrics in the history of pop music: When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be…there will be an answer, let it be. McCartney notes that his song has since become almost like a hymn. After the 9/11 terrorist attack on New York’s Twin Towers, radio stations played it frequently. That prompted McCartney to sing it at a benefit concert in New York City. “Not only did these words help me through a difficult time in my life,” he has said, “but they’ve become a reassuring, healing statement for other people too.”


• Vision. When hope is fading, it’s easy to think negatively. Dispute your thoughts during adversity. Work to keep the bleak aspects of your life in perspective. Reject negative assumptions. Seek ways to enlarge your vision of your life and circumstances. Rather than say to yourself, “My world is falling apart,” try saying and thinking, “This is a very difficult time for me, but I will take on the challenge and see it through.” Rather than think, “This is hopeless,” focus on options that can help you shape, manage and downsize the issue. One way of doing this is to ask yourself: “What information do I need to better understand or deal with this?” “What experts can guide me through this difficulty?” “Who among my family and friends can be a trusted, supportive source at this time?” “What steps do I need to take in order to strengthen myself for these challenges?”

By enlarging your vision of the possibilities, you will discover fresh insights and greater options. The vision that emerges is the one that will pull you forward. “A very good vision is needed for life, and the man who has it must follow it – as the eagle seeks the deepest blue of the sky,” said Sioux Chief Crazy Horse.


• Persistence. This is the determination to keep moving forward no matter what happens. This quality was fundamental in the career of Jack Welch, the highly regarded former CEO of General Electric. Now retired, Welch was asked by an interviewer: “Have you made any mistakes?” His answer: “I could fill a room with them all! I didn’t make the right deal. I waited too long to move on something. I even blew up a factory early in my career. But I always went to bat. I didn’t wait in the dugout.” Life rewards those who are persistent – those who don’t quit, give up or readily accept defeat.


• Humor. No matter how difficult and complex your circumstances may become, work to retain a sense of humor. The ability to identify reasons for smiling and laughing can lighten life’s loads. A deputy sheriff once found some humor in his work. He was assigned to courthouse security and as part of his job he had the duty of explaining the court process to visitors.

One day he was giving a group of ninth graders a tour. The court was in recess and only two people were in the courtroom: the court clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs. “This is where the judge sits,” the deputy said, pointing to the bench. Next, he pointed out where the lawyers, court clerk and court recorder all sit. He also pointed out the witness stand and the jury seating area. “As you can see,” he concluded, “there are a lot of people involved in making this system work.”

At that point the prisoner raised his cuffed hands and said: “Yeah, but I’m the one who makes it all happen.”


• Present tense. Live in the present tense, not the past tense nor the future tense. Another way of saying this is: Live in the moment. The Buddha taught that health, happiness and hope emerge when we live in the present moment: “The secret of health for both the mind and the body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” Learn from the past but don’t limit hope by constantly reliving unhappy yesterdays or fearing the future. One man, tormented by betrayal from a business partner, finally came to the point where he repeatedly reminded himself: “I have to give up all hope for a better yesterday!”


• One Step at a Time. Whenever you’re feeling pessimistic or hopeless, remember the number “one.” Tackle events one step at a time. Author Brian Tracy tells of being 21 years old when he and a companion decided to go off and see the world. While most of their friends were hitchhiking through Europe, Tracy and his friend decided they wanted a different experience, so they chose to cross Africa. Their choice meant crossing the enormous Sahara desert. They set off from London, riding bicycles across France and Spain. In Gibraltar they sold their bikes and invested their meager funds in an old Land Rover, using it to cross from Gibraltar to Tangier and into Algeria. Between them and their destination was the mighty expanse of the Sahara desert. They had no idea how difficult and dangerous that journey could be. “As we moved south across the desert, we encountered endless problems, any one of which could have ended our trip and probably our lives,” Tracy recalls. Yet it was during that desert crossing that he learned a vital life lesson.

The French, who had governed Algeria for many years, had marked a path across the desert with black 55-gallon oil drums. The drums were spaced exactly five kilometers apart. As Tracy and his friend drove and came to an oil drum, the next drum – which was five kilometers ahead – would pop up on the horizon, and the last oil drum, which was five kilometers behind, would fall off the horizon. No matter where they were in the desert, they could always see two oil drums at a time: the one left behind and the one they were headed toward. Here was the invaluable lesson Tracy learned: “To cross one of the greatest deserts in the world, all we had to do was take it one barrel at a time. We did not have to cross the entire desert at once.”

That insight is a metaphor for life: Today, all you have to do is take one step, one oil barrel, at a time.

Whether a challenge is personal, financial, business-related or all three...these words and the wisdom they carry can save lives. One must not forget that others have survived seemingly impossible situations in the past. The first step, for all, was a sense of hope.

Victor Parachin is a freelance writer living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Reach him at vmp5@cox.net.

Meeting Theme: Treasure the Moments

Date :	Thursday, 11st February 2010
Time :	7:00pm to 9.15pm (Refreshments are served at 6:30pm)
Venue :	Meeting Room, Vistana Hotel
	No.9, Jalan Lumut, Off Jalan Ipoh,
	50400 Kuala Lumpur.

Role Players:
Toastmaster of the Evening:	CTM CL Yee Kim Foong
Table Topic Master:	CC Helen Quat
General Evaluator :	ATMG CL Ron Leong
Language Evaluator:	CTM CL Stephen Siow
Time Keeper :	TM Sar Youn Lean
AH Counter :	TM Amanda Ng
Humour Master :	HM Sanjeev
Assistant Sergeant of Arms:	TM Joanne Chin
Speakers Speech Assignment	Evaluators
1 TM Janis Santiaga #4 2. TM Sanjeev #1 3. TM Avvneesh #1 4. CTM Khoo Boo Hock Adv #1	CC ALB Shaun Kwong Tan Gim Ning, TM CTM CL Stephen Siow ACS CL Johnny Yong

The Power of Observational Humor

Article from Toastmaster magazine
http://toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/November/Articles/Observational-Humor.aspx

The Power of Observational Humor

A well-placed joke lets people
laugh and release tension.

By John Kinde, DTM, Accredited Speaker


The district competitors in the Evaluation Speech Contest were ready to present their evaluations. As I was introduced, someone opened a door in the back of the meeting room, which was next to a parking lot. Suddenly, we were distracted by something that sounded like a loud warning beeper from a truck: Beep. Beep. Beep. This was happening exactly as the Toastmaster said, “And our next evaluator and contestant is John Kinde.” By the time I reached the podium, someone had closed the door.

When there is a significant distraction in the room, my approach is to address it with humor. It takes some practice and some quick thinking. My first words after taking the podium: “Pardon me while the forklift brings in my notes.” I was instantly connected to the audience and on my way to an effective evaluation.

Observational humor is that fresh, customized humor you create only seconds before you deliver it. It is sparked by what you hear or see before you are introduced to speak. It’s normally a piece of humor that you didn’t bring to the event but is inspired by your observations once you’re there.

Observational humor is powerful. Here are a few reasons why:


• Common experience. The forklift example was effective because it recognized something that everyone noticed. The foundation of a good joke is common experience – the you-had-to-be-there factor. This explains why a funny, spontaneous line, when you later tell it to a friend, doesn’t get the same response as it did when it first happened. You had to be there.


• The power of tension. One of the functions of humor is to relieve tension. A distraction during a meeting creates a bit of tension that begs for relief. A well-placed observational joke lets people laugh and release the tension caused by an interruption.


• The element of surprise. The immediate nature of the forklift line also added power to the humor. There is great value in being in the moment. The line is unexpected, but at the same time the audience is thinking, “Yeah, I noticed that beeping sound, too.” They love being surprised with a totally unexpected observation.


• Making connections. In a speech evaluation contest, the more positive points and suggestions that you make, the more competitive you will be. Someone who makes one suggestion may be at a disadvantage to someone who makes three suggestions. What about someone who made so many points that they needed a forklift to bring in their notes? Making the connection between the notes and the forklift was the key to making the humor tick in that line.


• The illusion of freshness. A great opening line can make the audience feel that your entire speech is fresh and prepared just for them. Compare that to opening with a time-worn joke that everyone has heard and you’ll see the impact of observational humor. One of the key reasons to practice observational humor is to add a fresh touch to your talks.


• Audience bonding. When you are in the moment, the audience connects with you because they know that you are really present and you are there just for them.

Saranne Rothberg, founder of the ComedyCures Foundation (www.comedycures.org), hones her observational humor skills by hosting more than 50 therapeutic comedy programs each year for people fighting devastating illness. “Observational humor is powerful because it lets me be incredibly playful and intimate on stage,” says Rothberg, who also presents a live weekly radio broadcast. “It goes beyond the joke-joke-joke format. The audience immediately trusts that I am listening and care about their interests. They understand that they are not getting a cookie-cutter presentation.

“By integrating observational humor with their content, you earn their full attention! Then, anything is possible.”

Here are a few more examples of observational humor that may trigger your creativity:


Word Play
A great way to uncover humor is to watch for alternate or double word meanings. At one of the meetings of my home club – PowerHouse Pros in Las Vegas, Nevada – the theme was “Presidential Trivia.” Darren LaCroix, Toastmasters’ 2001 World Champion of Public Speaking, shared his mantra of “Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.” Later in the meeting, I was able to connect his thoughts to a current discussion: “Here’s a piece of presidential trivia. Zachary Taylor logged more miles campaigning by stage coach than any other president. His campaign advisor told him the key to success was... Stage time, Stage time, Stage time!”


Self-Deprecation
Poking fun at yourself is a safe way to get a laugh. At a club meeting, a member referred to a celebrity speaker who talked fast and delivered high content. This frustrated the audience, the member said, because they couldn’t take notes fast enough. My observation later in the meeting: “If you haven’t seen me before, I’m a slow speaker, which I know will frustrate many of you because I won’t say anything you’ll want to write down.”


Something Funny
If you hear someone say something that gets a laugh, you might be able to piggyback on their joke to get a laugh of your own. At a club meeting, a speaker told an old joke about a fence around a cemetery: The fence was there because people were dying to get in. Later in the meeting I delivered an observational humor line: “There must be something wrong with me. Today I passed by a cemetery with no fence around it... and I had no urge to get in.”


Look Around the Room
Always keep watch for anything unusual that can lead to a humor connection. Before you are introduced to speak, be observant. Is there anything in the room that is strange, interesting or funny? I was speaking at a Toastmasters contest and noticed something unusual about the speaker platform. There was a short, 12-inch safety railing attached to the front of the platform. I guess it was there to keep someone from falling off the risers.


“The truth is funny and sometimes all you need to do is look for it.”



During the contestant interviews, I shared this observation: “You may have noticed the railing along the front of the risers. It’s not high enough to keep you from falling off, but just high enough so that if you do fall off...it will guarantee that you don’t land on your feet!” The line received a huge laugh as people were thinking, “He’s right!” The truth is funny and sometimes all you need to do is look for it.


Combining Your Observations
During another meeting, someone commented that I looked like a mortician in my black suit. Another speaker talked about book publishing and mentioned how ISBN numbers were used on the back of books to track sales. He also encouraged us to write a book, closing with the advice: Don’t die with a book still in you. Later, I combined three observations in a quip: “Someone mentioned that I looked like a mortician in my black suit. Actually, I do own a mortuary. We offer coffins with ISBN numbers on them for speakers who die with a book still in them.”


Courage and Risk
Rothberg shared with me a powerful observational-humor moment. “The key to developing on-the-spot humor is fearlessness, commitment and the skill of profound listening. Let me give you an example. I spent seven hours in a military van with two Marines en route to a ComedyCures Veterans program. During that ride I was like a fly on the wall, observing their vocabulary, content, tone and how they joked with each other.

“The next morning at our live event, I was able to immediately draw from those observations. As I opened the show, a blind and paralyzed 83-year-old veteran with a malfunctioning hearing aid cried out that he wanted to commit suicide. He couldn’t hear the show. His name was Joe. I joined Joe in his wheelchair, gently cupping his face and his hand with the broken hearing aid. ‘Joe, sweetie, I’m not going to continue this program until we fix your hearing aid.’ Then in my best military voice I yelled: ‘Joe! We leave no man behind, Joe!’ Joe and his fellow injured comrades laughed for about five minutes. And then Joe proposed to me!

“I bonded with my audience and created a spontaneous comedy platform that permeated the rest of the show. Observational humor had an impact stronger than anything else I could have done.”


Learning Observational Humor
When it comes to learning observational humor, there is no substitute for discipline. Challenge yourself to create an observational humor line every time you attend a Toastmasters meeting – or any kind of meeting, for that matter. Much of my early practice came at Chamber of Commerce networking meetings. As you sit with paper and pen in hand, keep your eyes and ears open for humorous connections. Look for other people’s comments that get a laugh. Try piggybacking on their lines.

Look for spots in the meeting where you have a chance to speak, then use an observational line. Perhaps you’ll be introducing a guest, making an announcement or giving an award. Drop in your line, then segue to your official business.

With observational humor, the less-is-more principle comes into play. If you are able to come up with three observational lines, pick your best one and use it. If you can create 10 lines, use just two or three of the best ones. Making a quality cut and using only your best lines can make the difference between having a reputation as someone who is always funny and someone who is funny only 30 percent of the time.

Source: Toastmasters International
www.toastmasters.org

What's Your Hook?

Below is an interesting article from Toastmaster magazine, which can be accessed through
http://toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive/2009/November/Whats-Your-Hook.aspx




What's Your Hook?

I’ll never forget the time my oceanography professor said, “If you’re ever swimming in shark-infested waters, always swim with a partner. That way, if the shark attacks, you’ll at least have a 50/50 chance of surviving.” That was more than 30 years ago and I still remember it. That teacher knew how to hook his students.

Take a minute to recall one or two of the most memorable presentations or speeches you have ever seen. Who gave the presentation? Why was it so memorable? What did the presenter say or do to make his or her message stick in your mind? What did they do that hooked you?

Advertising (the industry that I worked in for 17 years) is all about finding “The Hook.” The best advertising ties the creative hook directly to the product, rather than simply acting as an attention grabber and nothing more. As a presenter, if you can successfully connect your hook to your main message, then your audience will be much more likely to remember your key point.

Today I make my living as a professional speaker and corporate trainer. My job is to help my clients prepare for important presentations and come out as winners. I teach them how to find hooks and weave them into their presentations so that their message will get through all the clutter. That’s why you should be using them, too. There are a few things to consider before you set your hook:


What is a Hook Anyway?
A hook is any creative device that grabs someone’s attention: a catchy phrase, a humorous story or an amazing statistic, to name a few. Here’s my rule of thumb: If I find something interesting, it has the potential to be a hook.


What are the Benefits of Using Hooks?
There are many, including:

* They grab your listener’s attention.
* They make your message easier to understand. (This is great when you need to talk about intangible concepts like insurance.)
* They make your message more memorable.
* They make your message more persuasive.


What Makes a Hook Work?
Given the fact that humans are highly emotional, inquisitive, creative beings, anything that’s different, intriguing or relatable on a gut level has the potential to grab their attention.


What are the Best Kinds of Hooks?
I have three favorites:


1. Tell Personal Stories. A personal story is one where you take an incident from your own life and you draw a parallel between that incident and the point you’re trying to make in your presentation. Personal stories are an emotional hook and, when done right, are magic. Audiences understand them, they relate to them and they remember them. This, in turn, helps them remember your point.

Here’s a story I often tell in my Breakthrough Thinking workshop:

A number of years ago, while working at an advertising agency, I was talking with one of the guys who handled a camera account. I asked him if he was working on anything new and he told me that his client was involved in a whole new type of picture-taking method called digital photography. He said that there would come a day in the not-too- distant future where people wouldn’t even use film in their cameras. Well, I didn’t know what he was talking about because I couldn’t get my head around the concept that cameras wouldn’t use film. In fact, I thought that the whole idea sounded like a complete waste of time. As I walked away, I sort of snickered and said, “Well, good luck with that project.”

This story always gets a laugh and sets the tone that the class will be fun and that no one has all the answers.


2. Show Off Props. The most advantageous of visual aids, props are any three-dimensional object that a speaker uses during a presentation to help illustrate a point. Props could include just about anything – a newspaper, a hammer, a mouse (computer or otherwise), a plant, a beach ball, a pumpkin… the list is endless. A prop is anything that you can somehow relate to your message, either directly or indirectly. Props, because they’re tangible, add visual and tactile anchors to verbal concepts.

The chief executive officer of a software company had an ongoing problem. A number of his customers had received his company’s software without all of the instructions. He had talked with his team about the issue many times, but it was still a recurring problem. He found a creative way to make his message stick using props:

At a recent staff meeting I announced, “Let’s try a little friendly competition. I went to the bank and took out three $100 bills. I also went out and bought identical puzzles for everyone in the room.”

I continued, “On the count of three, open your box and solve your puzzle as quickly as you can. As soon as you put it together, run up here and if you’re one of the first three people, you’ll win $100.” I then counted to three and everybody ripped into their puzzles, working on them. After a minute or so, one person yelled, “I got it!” and ran up and collected a reward. Moments later two others ran up and grabbed their money as well. With that, everyone let out a big groan. One employee turned to the winners and asked, “How’d you do it so quickly?”

The three winners explained that they’d simply read the instructions. With that, the room erupted. The losers complained that the winners had received instructions and they hadn’t. They said the game wasn’t fair.

When the moaning died down, I said, “Now we all know how our customers feel when they get our software and they don’t receive all the information they need…it’s just not fair.”

This is a great example that shows the power of using props as hooks. His approach was simple, emotional (feeling cheated is very emotional) and directly connected to the point he wanted to make.


3. Share Surprising Statistics. While numbers are important, because they can communicate pertinent information, numbers are also abstract and can bore people. Rather than dumping mounds of mundane stats on your audience, you’re better off cutting back on the numbing numbers and instead finding surprising statistics. The key word here is surprising. Your goal should be to present your data so that it’s both interesting and provocative.

Here’s an example of the way a Forbes magazine reporter used statistics to communicate the awesome processing power of a network switch that Cisco Systems was developing:

On Monday, Cisco announced the development of the Nexus 7000, a network switch that’s capable of routing 15 terabits of data per second – the equivalent of moving the entire contents of Wikipedia in one-hundredth of a second, or downloading every movie available on Netflix in about 40 seconds.

Had the reporter stopped at “15 terabits of data per second,” that would get a big yawn from the reader. However, by equating it to examples anyone could relate to, the reporter made the statistic understandable and interesting.

While it’s great to find surprising statistics that are directly related to your topic, you can often find some amazing numbers that are indirectly related and they can work just as well. For example, let’s say that you wanted to make the case that in any organization there are an endless number of ways to save money and cut costs. You might share this little fact: Back in 1987, American Airlines saved $40,000 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class!


Where Do You Go from Here?
Start a Keeper Folder – A keeper folder is simply a manila folder marked with the word “KEEPERS” big and bold on the outside. Any time you come across something that grabs your attention and you find it interesting (it could be a newspaper or magazine article, a photo, a quote, an amazing statistic or whatever), put it in your keeper folder. That way, the next time you have to communicate an important message and you’re looking for hooks, you’ll already have a few in your folder. Along the same lines, when someone tells you to check out an amazing Web site or they e-mail you something funny, save it in an electronic version of your Keeper folder.

Write it Down – Start writing down your stories and anecdotes, both the ones from your past as well as the ones that are yet to come. A story could be about the time you backed your dad’s car into your mom’s car. It could be about a stranger who said a kind word to you when you needed it most, or about the time you hit a hole-in-one golf shot. A story is nothing more than an incident that happened to you that’s funny, frightening, inspiring or unusual. Stories can be as brief as 10 seconds or as long as five minutes (although it better be a truly amazing tale if it’s that long). Start writing down your stories now, so when you need them, you’ll have them.

Remember: Use a hook – with stories, props or stats – to grab your audience, and you’ll see how fast they grab your ideas!


Kevin Carroll is an author and professional speaker. His most recent book, What’s Your Hook?, is available on Amazon and on www.kevincarroll.com.


Source: Toastmasters International
www.toastmasters.org